I was asked to sit on a panel at the recent Business Chicks event in Brisbane last weekend along with four other inspiring business women and mothers. We chatted and shared tips about the juggle — juggling motherhood and careers, taking time for yourself, carving out time for your husband, learning to say ‘no’, learning when to ask for help, etc. It was such a fun afternoon and I walked away feeling extra inspired.
On that panel, I was asked the question: ‘How do you consciously make time for your marriage?’ As I very quickly took a second to think about my answer, I realised that, for me, it’s not so much about the big things, but more about the small adjustments. Carving out time for one-on-one time with each other is always really nice, and of course we enjoy that time, but it doesn’t have as much of an effect on our overall relationship.
When we lived in London and our lives were very busy and everything was quite scheduled, Michael and I had regular date nights. Technically speaking, we regularly carved out time for each other on a weekly basis. And then…. we left London, spent 18 months on the road and literally spent every waking hour with our children and never once had a moment just us. However, those 18 months were the happiest we’ve ever been. Of course it’s easy to be happy when you’re free of the drudgery of routine, the work grind, the school commitments and everything else that can clutter your everyday lives. But there was something deeper. I found that slowing down helped me to tune into our marriage in a way that I hadn’t done before, and it’s been a lesson for us moving forward.
As busy parents, it can be so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day grind of life. Sometimes entire days go by where you feel like you’re on parenting autopilot and you can get to the end of the day and realise you’ve never even locked eyes with your husband or truly acknowledged his existence. In fact, days like this can add up, and you can even get to the end of a week and realise you didn’t ever truly connect as lovers, partners, friends. Sure, you co-parented and got the kids to school on time and packed their lunches and did the laundry and fed them dinner. But did you feel loved by your partner?
I have learned that in order for my relationship to feel healthy and exciting, we need to have more awareness for each other throughout the day. Small things like…. putting my arm around Michael’s waist when he’s in the kitchen, leaning over and kissing his neck when he’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth, walking up to him on the beach and just telling him I love him, or even just, instead of sitting on the opposite sofa at night to work on my laptop, just snuggling up next to him. I’ve learned the more I make him feel loved, the happier he is and the more love he gives in return, which leads to a happier, more loving marriage. It sounds cheesy, but sometimes I just have to slow down a tiny bit throughout the day to tune into how I’m feeling and how I’m making my husband feel, and make little tweaks throughout the day to ensure we both feel loved.
Of course some weeks are easier than others and our relationship isn’t always smooth sailing. Admittedly, I find it much easier to love on Michael when I’m in the first few weeks of my menstrual cycle. I am especially attracted to him around the time I ovulate… and then the week before my period, I find that I get annoyed much more easily and find it less appealing to love on him. I have to assume this is all very natural? (Has anyone else noticed this pattern?) But again, this is where it’s good to slow down and pay attention to these little things. Having awareness of how you feel and how you’re making your partner feel is only healthy in your relationship.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What works for you in your relationship with your partner? What tips can you share for making it a priority? Please share below.
Courtney x
The photos above were snapped by my friend, Amelia Fullarton, earlier this year for a feature in Milk Magazine.
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