A longtime reader (seven years she said!) recently sent an email asking for advice on maintaining friendships and making new ones. She shared that she already feels pulled in so many directions (kids, husband, work, life in general!) and that she admittedly hasn’t been able to focus on her own friendships. She wondered if we have thoughts or advice.
Her question really resonated with me, as I have, over the last couple years, witnessed the enormous benefit of having good, strong, nurturing friendships in my life. In the last couple years, I feel like I have had such enormous leaps in my overall mindset — my confidence higher, my relationship with my husband more in sync, my parenting more solid — all thanks to the closeness I have with my girlfriends.
Like having a good diet and getting enough exercise, I really feel like good friendships are vital for our overall mental health and happiness. Being able to share openly, to feel encouraged and uplifted, to be able to admit to your shortcomings without worrying about judgement, to seek advice, to be able to talk about your sex life, to be silly and goofy and honest and raw…etc., etc. All these things enable us to grow and learn and be better humans. It’s like getting free counselling!
Of course I’ve had close friends over the years, all of whom I am SO thankful for — friends from my childhood who I see every time I go back to my home town, or college friends who keep in touch over email and send annual Christmas cards, even dear friends in London who I would meet up with for coffee or the occasional dinner dates when I lived there, whom I miss. And of course I’ve had longtime friendships with Esther and Emilie! But, it is so important to have friends within your community who you see regularly. In the last couple years I have really found a tribe of women who are like sisters, women who I feel completely at ease with, and because we are all here in the same small town, our bonds feel stronger than anything I’ve experienced before. These friends are like family!
Perhaps it’s circumstantial, or perhaps it’s cultural, or perhaps I’ve just found a place on this planet with such like-minded people that making connections is that much easier, but whatever it is, it’s something I value wholeheartedly, and I encourage other mums to seek those connections, to make it a priority to grow and nurture friendships within your community — friends you see regularly, weekly, if not more. Here are some simple ways to connect and strengthen friendships:
- Start a group text with a group of mum friends and check in with each other regularly — ask questions, share insights, send random images of your kids doing something silly, send a message out when you happen to have a spare hour in your day to see if anyone else is near and happens to also be free for a coffee or lunch (it’s easier to be brave and ask to meet up with people when it’s in a group text!)
- Don’t be shy! If there’s a mum at the school gates, or someone you keep bumping into at your local bakery (anywhere!) who you think looks like someone you want to be friends with, say hello! Ask if they want to grab a coffee or come for tea. I know this could be a cultural thing, as I have witnessed people being more reserved in England than they are here in Australia, but despite what is ‘normal’, don’t be afraid to be the first one to say hello and reach out.
- Grab coffee with a friend after school drop-off, even if you have toddlers in tow. Make it a regular thing.
- Find a friend who enjoys the same exercise and do it together (for me it’s surfing or doing the lighthouse walk — some of my best ‘counselling’ sessions have been on that walk up to the lighthouse here in Byron!)
- Organise girl’s nights out — drink cocktails and get silly (sometimes we don’t even go out to restaurants — we’ll just organise chocolate and wine nights in our homes).
- Go and see a chic-flick together — grab a quick dinner before or after. (Tuesday nights are half-price at our nearest cinema, so every once in a while I’ll go see a movie with girlfriends on a random Tuesday evening.)
- Sign your kids up for the same after school activity and sit together while they’re doing it. (My kids do tennis every Monday afternoon with my friend Aimee’s kids, and we sit for two hours and talk the entire time. Mondays are my favourite days!)
- Organise potluck dinners on the weekends so husbands and kids get in on the fun — they’re easy because everyone brings a share plate and their own drinks.
- Start a book club amongst your friends — or with your neighbours or class parents at your children’s school, etc. My sister-in-law, who lives in LA, has been a part of a book club with her neighbours for years and years now, and her meetings always sound so interesting — of course they end up chatting more about life than the book they’re reading, which is the fun of it, really. If you’re not into books, you can start a craft club, a knitting club, etc. (I don’t know if she still does it, but Esther used to host craft nights at her house every Monday night and her living room would fill with women all with their own craft project to keep them busy! How fun!)
- Be a good friend. Drop off food when a friend is sick, offer to bake a cake for a friend’s birthday, offer to pick up your friends’ children from school if they’re busy/sick/stressed, etc. At the same time, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Often these sorts of things strengthen friendships!
Please share your thoughts and tips. It would be great to hear how other mothers have found new friends. Please also share where you live, as I think it’s always interesting to see the cultural differences.
Courtney x
The post Maintaining your friendships — how do you prioritise your friends? appeared first on Babyccino Kids: Daily tips, Children's products, Craft ideas, Recipes & More.