I’ve received a few messages lately asking for my advice on how to wean your baby from breastfeeding. Mothers have written asking for me to share how I weaned Wilkie, how I knew it was the right time, how long I think they should breastfeed their own baby, and some even asking me why, at one year old, I weaned him so early.
I have to admit, this is a topic I sort of tried to avoid. These types of parenting topics are difficult to raise, I feel, because everyone has their own way of doing things, and what works for one family might not necessarily work for the other. Actually, what works for one of your babies, might not even be the same thing that works for your other! When it comes to parenting, I have one big rule: Do what works best for you and your family. Trust yourself and listen to your baby.
I’ve had enough babies to know that each one is different, and the way you choose to parent one child can be totally different than the way you parent another. Babies are different, circumstances change. There really is no one right way. I breastfed Easton and Quin for around seven months each. I breastfed the girls for 10 or so months before they both just became completely uninterested and weaned themselves. I breastfed Wilkie for one year, and while he would have been happy to continue, I felt like it was the right timing for us both to stop, and I also knew it would help him become a more independent sleeper (and me a happier, well-rested mother). I found the process of weaning Wilkie to be the most emotional of all my babies, made more intense simply because he really enjoyed being fed, grabbing at my boobs when he wanted them and finding comfort in feeding. I almost felt selfish putting an end to it. But then I had to remind myself that I had to take my needs into consideration as well as my husband’s, my other kids’, and Wilkie’s too. I had to trust that I knew what was best for us all, and that he would feel loved and secure, even without the breast.
Wilkie had gotten to the point where he would only fall asleep on the breast. So only I could put him to bed, no one else. It also meant that the bedtime routine (for naps and in the evening) could be long and drawn-out. He would ask for the boob when he was tired, so I knew it was a sign he just needed sleep. I was becoming a dummy. I wanted to encourage him to become more independent, to be able to self-soothe and fall asleep on his own. I knew it would be better for us both.
Here are some tips I found helpful during the process:
- Wait for the right window. There were a few times where I wanted to wean Wilkie, but then something would pop up. I got a mild case of mastitis at one point, so I had to go back to increasing my feeding to try to beat it before it escalated. Then another time, there was a nasty cold going through our family, and I wanted to keep feeding him to ensure he had my germ-fighting antibodies during that time. My friend, Melanie, kept assuring me that the window will show itself — I just had to wait for it and be ready.
- Know what your milk substitute will be. We waited until Wilkie was one, so I never had to bother with milk formulas –he was able to go directly from breastmilk to normal milk. But if your baby is younger, it’s a good idea to test out your milk options and to know that your baby likes it.
- Bottle or sippy cup or nothing at all? Because I weaned my first two when they were only 7 months old, we ended up transitioning them to bottles for their milk feeding. But I found that this meant we had one more thing we had to wean them from, and it was almost more difficult to wean them from the bottle than it was to wean them off the breast! With the girls, we went straight to a sippy cup, so there was no attachment to the bottle. With Wilkie, we have a few different options from sippy cups to a stainless steel cup with a straw. My thought was that if we had a few options, he wouldn’t become attached to one certain one and he’d be more flexible with how he drinks his milk. But obviously, it’s good to have your options on hand and begin to get your baby used to them gradually.
- Drop one feed at a time. Toward the end of my breastfeeding journey with Wilkie, I was mostly only feeding him at bedtimes and in the morning when he would wake up. I dropped the morning feed first, because it was the easiest one for me to drop, and because he was happy to have his sippy cup in the morning. (On a selfish level, this was the hardest one for me to drop because I just found that morning feed so snuggly and cosy.) Then, I started to drop his daytime feed before his nap. And the last to go was his nighttime feed. It actually happened quite quickly toward the end. So quick, that I didn’t even realise his last feed was going to be the last.
- Create new routines. With Wilkie, the bedtime routine was becoming predictable for him. We’d go into his room, close the blinds, turn on his white noise machine, and I’d nurse him to sleep. He knew it was bedtime based on those certain cues. When the time came for me to stop feeding him to sleep, I knew I had to create a different routine. I got out a stack of my favourite baby books and put them on the shelf in his room. I started reading to him instead of feeding him, and it was something he really enjoyed from the beginning. I found that I actually engaged and connected more with him when I was reading to him than when I was feeding him. (Admittedly, I was often distracted while feeding him with my phone in my hand, scrolling through Instagram or responding to messages, etc.) Reading to him was a way for me to engage with him and ensure that he felt secure and loved. After a few stories, I would hold him and sing him the song I’ve always sung to my babies and then I would put him in his cot, saying the same thing every time. “It’s night night time, Wilkie. Time to go to sleep. Mama loves you so much.” It didn’t take him long to understand our new routine and recognise that it was bedtime.
- Don’t doubt yourself. I swear babies just know when we are doubting a decision we’ve made. Like animals sense fear! I think it’s so important to trust yourself and don’t wobble in your decision. If you feel sure of yourself, then your baby will feel secure too. When I introduced the new routine to Wilkie, I wanted him to feel so safe and secure. To know he was so loved. And to understand that his new going-to-bed routine was what was best for him. I tried to be firm but loving.
- Don’t worry about what other mothers are doing. Don’t compare! I have a few friends here in Byron who had babies around the same time as Wilkie, so it can be tempting to look at what they’re doing and wonder if I should be doing it that way too. Perhaps their babies were sleeping better, or eating better, or doing something else that my baby wasn’t doing. Should I be doing what they’re doing? Obviously it’s never bad to question and re-examine what works for you, but it’s just good to remind yourself that everyone’s situation is different. It’s taken me five babies to know and truly feel very secure in the decisions I make for our family.
- Allow yourself to feel emotional. It is such an emotional time, and the process can unleash emotions you didn’t even know you had. You may feel sad at the closing of a chapter, or a sense of grief that your baby is growing up. Additionally, there is a hormonal shift that happens when you stop breastfeeding that can leave you feeling low, confused, or just a bit tender. Joanna from A Cup of Jo wrote about her depression after weaning on her blog a few years ago, and it was such a great way of normalising what can actually be a similar depression to postpartum depression in some cases. However you experience it, it’s good to know that it is normal to feel sensitive at this time.
- Treat yourself to some new bras! This was a tip someone gave me on my Instagram when I weaned Wilkie, and I loved it so much. It’s a wonderful time to treat yourself to a new bra, to be excited about your new boobs and the fact that your body is yours again. Maybe even something sexy! (I have always found that the hormonal shift that comes with weaning gives me a newfound interest in my husband again! It’s like, for the first year of your baby’s life, you’re living inside a cloud and the only clarity you have is on your baby in front of you. And then suddenly the clouds clear and you can actually see your husband again… and he looks goooooood!!!) Enjoy the increase in libido and celebrate with new undies!
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Please share your experiences with weaning and any tips you have for the process. I’d love to hear!
Courtney x
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