Easton will turn 13 next month, and in perfect timing, he is beginning to act like a teenager. Suddenly, it seems that I can’t do anything right, and he feels compelled to complain about everything: The specific t-shirt he wants to wear isn’t clean. We’re not leaving on time; we’ll definitely be late. The music in the car is too loud. He no longer likes the Tom Odell album (when he loved it last week, I swear!). The snack I’ve brought is not good enough. The waves in the ocean aren’t big enough. I didn’t bring the right surf board for him. Or the right swimsuit! He doesn’t want to go out for dinner — he’d rather go home and read. (Coincidentally, I read this book to Marlow the other day, and I had to laugh because it sometimes feels like I’m dealing with the teenage version of this boy!)
Of course he’s a super charming, charismatic, and polite boy…. and it’s mostly just his parents who are on the receiving end of this negativity… but honestly, it can be so exhausting! I know we’re only at the beginning of this new teenage phase and we probably have another few years of this, so I am eager to learn how best to respond to him so that I don’t add fuel to the fire and so we can navigate this new phase with humour and understanding.
Does anyone else have a similar situation with your teenagers? Any tips for how to respond when you feel you can’t do anything right?
I was speaking to a friend recently and she gave me a tip that I found super helpful. She explained that the teenage brain is developing at such a quick rate, leaving the ‘wiring’ and functionality temporarily defunct. It’s not just hormones at play in the teenage brain, but rather the fact that the neurological wiring of the brain is unsettled as it adjusts to the growth. She asked me to try to see my teenager in the same light I see my toddler. When your toddler is cranky, you don’t get mad at your toddler, you try to figure out why he’s cranky. Maybe he’s tired, maybe he’s hungry, maybe he’s been in the car too long and he is restless. When your teenager gets cranky, instead of getting frustrated because you think he’s old enough to know better, we should remind ourselves to be understanding. Maybe he’s tired or hungry or feeling stressed at school or he has sat in a classroom all day and is feeling restless. We have patience for our toddler because we know they are little and they don’t understand how to communicate everything and their brains aren’t developed enough. When our teenagers act out, we should remind ourselves that their brains are equally undeveloped. We should try to find the same understanding for them as we would for our toddler. Isn’t that interesting? Doesn’t it make a lot of sense?
Coincidentally, I have both a toddler and a teenager, so I’m dealing with two different developing brains at the same time (send help!). But I guess, it allows me to see them both in a similar light, and I’m trying to have just as much patience for Easton as I do for Wilkie.
If you have any other tips for navigating this teenage phase, I’d love to hear them. And feel free to share your experiences below.
Courtney x
p.s. Tips for when your teenager challenges you. And a tip for saying no.
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